Message to Mom from Fred Stoeker:

Many boys grow up in homes without fathers. I did. My parents divorced when I was eleven years old, and though Dad continued to live in the same town, the divorce blew a gap in our relationship that he could never quite bridge when trying to share the truths of human sexuality with me.

That left the job up to my mother. Trouble is, there are a lot of reasons it's really, really hard for single-parent moms to talk to their sons about sexuality. A lack of bravery isn't one of them.

I still believe that my mom is the bravest woman in the world. After my parents finalized their divorce, life became an emotional and financial horror for Mom, my two sisters, and me. The pressures of single parenting nearly flattened her, but Mom tenaciously fought through it. She'd come home from her receptionist job, touch base and grab a bite to eat with us, then head out to her second job--selling grave plots at night.

As she battled on to make enough money to support us, I'd sometimes catch her crying over the pressure of it all. She was tormented in other ways, too, sometimes wailing, "I'm so sorry that I don't know how to be a father to you. I'm so sorry I can't make up for what you've lost." My young heart ached for her, and I vowed I'd never do anything to make Mom cry.

If you are a single mother, perhaps you've shed the same tears in the quiet of your bedroom, but I want to encourage you. You simply can't be everything a dad could be for your son, but you can help him understand his sexuality and God's call to sexual purity, if you are willing. Sure, you aren't a guy, but you'll surprise your son with how much you understand about his struggles, just as I often surprise my girls with how much I understand theirs. Your son will respond to you as he sees how much you care and how much you understand him.

Sure, it's daunting for a mom to talk to a son about male sexuality, but as the only parent on duty, it's up to you, and I'm here to urge you to give it a shot. I know you are brave enough because I know personally just how brave single moms can be. All you need are the tools. If you are given the tools, you'll put your whole heart into this process, and God will bless you for it.

And you aren't without tools. Because of my mom's tears, I want to stand with every single mom as they go through this process with their sons, and one way I've done this is by writing my book Preparing Your Son for Every Man's Battle. (For your daughters, you might use Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge.) Since you, as a single-parent mother, aren't male and can't share the male point of view from your own personal stories of your life, I have been very transparent about my teen years and my own father years so that you will have stories to share with your son about what life is like for men. These stories will give you the platform necessary for many wonderful conversations with your son, and they should give you the confidence to step into this arena a little more boldly.

Preparing Your Son was written for young men in the 11-15 year old age bracket. If you have older sons between ages 16 and 25, you might recommend they read Every Young Man's Battle and my newest book, Tactics. Every Young Man's Battle teaches them how to win by defending their eyes and mind in the battle against lust. Tactics will teach them how to win in the battle by developing a deeper, more passionate intimacy with God. (For your daughters, I'd suggest the best-selling Every Young Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge.) I've also developed a one-hour DVD entitled Every Young Man's Battle that you might consider watching and discussing with your son, as well.

My newest project is Win This War, a music CD that takes the truths of my book Tactics and sets them to music, music that urges your son to stand up and fight for his sexual purity. Perhaps this is the easiest tool to use of all, since there is probably no better way to connect with a teen's heart than through music. By using some of the best Christian bands and vocalists out there on this project, I believe this is music that will grab their attention. I also believe that the lyrics of the songs can inspire a great deal of discussion between you and your son as you listen to it together.

I hope to continue to stand in your corner with you in every way I can. When it comes to human sexuality, our teens need to hear from us, and we need to hear from them. When that happens, relationships are deepened. I pray that these tools will help you hear from each other more and more.

I also pray they will help your son hear from the Lord more and more. Remember, God is in your corner, too. He will use these tools to draw your son closer to His heart and into the deeper intimacy He longs to have with him.