Maybe you've been fighting the battle for sexual purity and you just keep losing. Perhaps you've been wondering what your Heavenly Father is thinking about you in light of all these defeats. Have you been desperately searching His face in prayer, asking, What are you thinking of me?
Well, I can tell you what He's probably thinking. Let me share a story with you from my new book Tactics to help you better understand your Father's heart for you as you face your defeats:
After a month of play, my son Michael had seen plenty on the football field. He had yet to line up against anyone his size or smaller, but on this night it had gotten ridiculous. "Dad," he confessed after this game, "I took a good look through his facemask on the first play and said to myself, Whoa, this guy is way past puberty. He was a gorilla! He had hair sprouting out everywhere!"
To Michael, then a thirteen-year-old, playing against someone who needed a shave would mean a long day in the trenches. On nearly every snap of the ball, the gorilla delivered a blow that blew my son back a step off the line. Michael would then dig in and hand-fight the beast, holding his ground to contain him, but he could do little else with him. At other times, the gorilla slanted right while a linebacker blitzed through Michael's spot on the line. Sometimes Michael picked up the blitz and stopped it cold. Sometimes he didn't.
It was a long first half. Once the horn blew for halftime, Michael ran to the bench, shaking his head. Grabbing a quick blast of water before heading into the locker room, he snuck a glance at me, sitting in the stands, to see what I was thinking. I could read the question all over his face . . . What are you thinking of me?
He knew that he hadn't owned the field that half. He knew that he missed a few assignments and was hurting from the shots he took on the field. Naturally, he wondered what his father felt about him at that moment in time.
I'll tell you what I was feeling: I shot him two thumbs up and a big fat grin. He acknowledged me with a slight wave and a little smile. Okay, he's not Orlando Pace yet, but he's my son, and I'm with him. He loves football. He loves working out with me. He's learning how to fight out there on the gridiron.
Am I urgent for him to own the field someday? Yes, very much so. Does he need more coaching? Absolutely. Do I think he's a dork or a loser? Not on your life.
Sure, it would be nice if Michael owned the field already, but eighth grade is eighth grade. Ninth grade will be ninth grade. Defeats will come, and he'll play terribly at times. But I want him to embrace those defeats, to learn from his mistakes, allow me to sort through them with him, and then move back in to attack again. That's how warriors are born, and that's how a father handles his son's defeats.
Now, what about that Father of yours who's promised that He will work all things together-including your defeats sexually-for your good? Look, He knows His way around this field of purity, and He knows what the battle is like. His son, Jesus, played on these same fields, and while that Son went undefeated, your Father saw just how vicious the Enemy can be.
So He knows what you are up against. He created your enemies eons ago, and they are the same ones all His sons have been wrestling with for centuries. He knows their traps, He knows their tricks, and He knows which ones you will trip over, my friend.
He knows one more thing, too. You're His son, and He'll be with you every moment as you learn how to win. He's there to restore you, and He will embrace defeat with you all day long, because He knows He can use it to restore you, to encourage you, and to help you love Him more.
Total Integration
Remember, this call to purity has always been more about your relationship with God than anything else. That's why we were created, and that's why He sent His Son, that we might walk with God in the garden in the cool of the day, shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart.
Never forget that this call to purity is about much more than stopping masturbation. It's about experiencing God in those moments that would have been dedicated to sex. It's about finding God and His help in the midst of every struggle, every failure, and every frustration. It's not about extinguishing masturbation as much as it's about igniting a new passion for God, with your sexuality integrated into your life in a balanced way. It's about embracing suffering and loss because defeat deepens that yearning ache to look Him in the eye again.
If you fail, stop beating yourself up and, above all, stop listening to the Enemy. God is not mad, throwing up His hands in exasperation. Why would He give up when you're His child if He didn't give up when you were lost?
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8, NIV
He's not going anywhere. He's here to restore you, and He simply wants to make you a man after his own heart. He found one in David:
So he sent and had him brought in. He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the Lord said, "Rise and anoint him; he is the one." So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came upon David in power.
1 Samuel 16:12-13a, NIV
God wants to make you spiritually handsome and ruddy on the inside. He wants you to be a mighty man fully committed to making Jesus king in your heart. He wants to anoint you in the presence of your brothers, and He wants to come upon you in power. He's not here to raise up nice-looking, obedient little boys with tucked-in shirts and straight parts in their hair. He wants to make you into a mighty man of valor who hates the enemy's work like He does.
Battles-and especially defeats-test and transform soldiers, and your response to your defeats will reveal the depth of your love for Him. You're stronger, and you're changed. So, when you lose, rise up, pray, and hit the ramparts again. With each victory, your spiritual, emotional, and physical attributes will line up a little more with the Lord.
I want you to remember one more thing, as well. Something that took me more than a decade as a Christian before I finally understood it-your Father loves you. You are His boy, and that's all that matters. Here is another quote from Tactics:
Of course, He loved me even before I knew Him, and He's desired to be with me from the foundation of the world. I never did a thing to fan that desire in His heart, and I'll never have to, either. When I couldn't put my porn away, He still loved me. When I lay in the arms of too many women, He still loved me. My Father adopted me, and now I'm the apple of His eye. He has opened up His heart to me forever, just as He's opened it up for you. Your sin can't separate you from His love, because Jesus bought your sin years ago:
My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense-Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
1 John 2:1-2
His love for you and His plan to save you has been in place from the dawn of time; His passion to explore life with you will stretch to eternity. Nothing you ever did ignited this love for you, and nothing you'll ever do will kill it. He is your Father. You are His son.
Your Father loves you, and He will help you learn to own your sexuality, rather than your sexuality owning you. He wants you to keep fighting. He wants a much deeper relationship with you, and is simply asking you to give Him even more of your heart in this battle than ever before. He wants you close to Him.
If you haven't had the opportunity to read Tactics, my follow-up book to Every Young Man's Battle, then I would urge you to pick up a copy. Every Young Man's Battle teaches a guy to defend his eyes, mind and heart against lust. Tactics teaches you how to win on the spiritual front of the battle. It teaches you how to find that deeper intimacy with God, the kind of intimacy that can change the battle for purity forever.
The CD project Win This War takes the message of Tactics and sets it to music, allowing God to help you grind His truths deeply into your heart and mind as you drive and move about your days.
I urge you to pick up a copy of Win This War. Give God every chance to sanctify and transform your mind and to fulfill His call on your life in regards to your sexuality:
It is God's will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen,...
1 Thessalonians 4:3-4
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